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[23 Apr 2008|05:35pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Brave by Idina Menzel |
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Well, I guess I've never really introduced myself here....I'm Stephanie. I'm 18 and I live a very boring life right now.
I've been clean on cutting for roughly a year and a half now.
Lately there's been a lot of drama in my life, a little too much to go into detail with at this moment, but anyways...
I don't know why, but I've been devoid of any kind of feeling lately. Even when I'm with my friends, it feels like I'm just simulating happiness. I haven't been able to take my medication because it hasn't been refilled yet, which may have a factor in this....but within this past week or so I've been wanting to cut again, the urges much worse than the fleeting ones I'd get after my first few months of not cutting....
About a week ago I was listening to some really calm music to try and help me sleep (I have trouble sleeping too) and the only images that would pop into my head were full of blood and gore and severed limbs and sliced up arms....I don't know why.
I really don't know what to do, but it's scaring me a little bit. I want to be able to feel the emotions I know I should be feeling. The only feeling I've been seriously certain of is the fact that I love my girlfriend, Jamie.
I'll save the drama that may connect with these feelings for another entry or for those who'd care to know....
I'm just really afraid because I'm scared I'm going to break and start cutting again....
Also...just kind of a random thought....what are some songs you community members use to get you through rough times? What songs really inspire you and speak to you?
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